There’s no easy way to say this, so we’re just going to have it out: There’s someone else.
You’ve noticed, no doubt, our fingers missing from your buttons–your filters remaining unactivated, our Story flat, our friends’ Stories unwatched. We head to the washroom and you think, “now we will be together, finally,” but still, you remain unopened.
What’s important for you to understand is that we still love you. It’s just that now we love another, too. Its name also happens to be Stories. Instagram Stories.
We know it hurts.
The truth is, we hurt too. We know that you’re cooler and more original. Some of our friends have stuck with you–we see their Stories from time to time, still just as fun–and a part of us wishes we could be like them, that we had their courage and fidelity. Their half doggy faces still make us smile.
Alas, our other love makes it all too easy, cute doggy filters aside. We’re comfortably seated on the bandwagon now, and we’ve no intention of getting off. We aren’t saying this to hurt you, Snapchat; we really aren’t. You know that we and Instagram had a friendship. For years we spent time together every day, sharing photos, communicating with our friends and followers, laughing at #fail videos. Recently, our relationship has changed–blossomed, really.
When Instagram made the proposition to bring you into their fold earlier, we thought perhaps our lovers would meet, creating one super media with the power to reach our audiences across social platforms. Alas, it was not to be. You were too strong and too proud to be anything other than you. Honestly, we love you for that. Don’t ever change.
But the heart wants what it wants, and we know better than to deny it. The reasons we can not leave Instagram Stories are simple and as follows:
The Convenience: The thing is, we’re already there. It’s like when the grocery store starts selling beer, or when the beer store starts selling Cheesies. There’s just no reason to go to both locations anymore.
The Views: Call us whores for attention, call us dirty view counters, call us what you will. It’s true. All of it. But our audience is hungry, and with our Instagram following many times larger than yours, sweet Snaps, this is the best place to feed them. When something amazing is happening live, and we only have the resources to capture it on one media, we must, sadly, go with that which reaches the largest number. This is why, when Lisa “The Big Hammer” Felepchuk won the Rock Paper Scissors tournament in downtown Vancouver earlier this week, we documented it solely on Instagram Stories. Forgive us.
Now, we’re going to propose something, and it may sound crazy, but hear us out. Why don’t we ALL be together? Like, a threesome, only on our phones. We could talk about everything beforehand, of course, and move slowly, but we honestly can’t see why the three of us can’t live together in harmony. It might seem crowded at first–Instagram does have a lot of the same tricks as you, and, tbh, we’re pretty sure we’ll still spend more time with it than with you (sorry)–but we’re certain there’s enough room in our hearts and phones for you both.
It’s going to take some work on our part, we know. We’re going to have to make a commitment and stick to it, but we’re ready for that. We promise. This time, it’ll be different. We propose to share our time between both you and Instagram Stories, posting and engaging with both on a regular basis.
All we ask is that you accept our newfound love.
What do you say, Snapchat? Will you give us another chance?
Lisa and Coleman (AKA Li et Co)